Twenty years ago or so I bought a little book published by the Columbia Journalism Review called Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim, which was a compilation of headlines from newspapers with deliciously “off” grammar and twisted meaning.  I’ve looked for the book ever since, to no avail.  

This evening, whilst doing high level research on paraprodokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, which are also fun (examples: “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.” and “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.”), I came across the website where the archive of recent examples of funny headlines are kept.  It’s called The Lower Case and I commend it to you for many chuckles.  Here are some good ones to whet your appetite:

Lansing residents can drop off trees

Columbia-Snake rivers closed for repairs

British left waffles on Falkland Islands

Iraqi head seeks arms

Stud tires out

Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Stolen painting found by tree

Red tape holds up new bridge

University of Colorado-Denver celebrates 40 years of forging identity

Risen Savior registering kids

Endangered Fish Holds Up Water Plant

Dead Bombing Suspect Kicked Out Of Prayer Service After Outburst

2 producers quit show complaining report has more substance than hype

Dr. Ruth Talks About Sex With Newspaper Editors

Florida reporter completes sentence 

Judge gets reprimand for yelling at mother

Mother arrested after drowning

Bullying session to be rescheduled

1 in 5 U.S. moms have babies with multiple dads, study says

Pedestrian deaths largely flat in U.S., Maryland

Terrorist Is Returned To Prison In Gun Case

Solar system plagued again by thieves